Ok! I can't take it anymore!! So I have to be honest and frank here… I need to confess.. the only reasons why I resumed blogging was because…….
I can't MSN or Multiply from work anymore!!!! Uwahhh … so sad…
These two websites were the only thing sustaining me from dying of boredom at work whenever the shipment load was very low and they also keep me from blowing my top whenever the volume was too high and stress was overloading. I would chat with my girl buddies and laff my head off at their antics and various topics we discussed or just surf thru Multiply and just look look see see.. kaypoh here and there..of kaypoh a bit lah ..not much ..So now I can only bloghop here and there even tho there seems to be lesser reason for people to blog nowadays with the existence of so many other froms of blogging like via multiply and other websites.. So it seems like my entries will be quite regular for now till they start to block blogs and stuff..
One thing I find funny, how come the sites to Singapore Pool and soccer reviews and stuff not blocked huh? Something to ponder about isn't it my dear colleagues?
Ok ..ok my main reason for blogging today was not about the above reasons ..that was just a sidetrack my fingers travelled to once they touched the keyboard. So backtracking here, I was laying in bed last nite awaiting for the drowsy effects of the cough med to sink in and I was thinking about my life.
Recently, I read back thru my archives and my faithful ole diary, the one that has been with me since I was not even married.. The pages have turned yellow mind you but it faithfully awaits for me to pick it up once in a while and jot my thoughts downs. I would have thought it dah merajuk cos I concentrated on virtual diaries to type down my thoughts. But it is always there, no matter how long it took for me to have the urge to write something down.
Anyways, as I read thru, I found that the story of my life since the past 10 years, besides the arrival of my two precious sons, has been the same lame story. Nothing new, no improvement nothing. In fact, I felt that my life was deteriorating. Even tho there is an expectation for my life to finally turn around by next year, InsyAllah, I dun feel the eagerness that I should be feeling. No being grateful you may say? Oh no, I am grateful. Cos for those who hear me rant about my lame life almost everyday, you would know about the problems I face everyday. Yes I do complain but I am ever so grateful.
You wanna know why? Cos no matter how bad it seems, I am grateful I have the love of my 2 sons which is overwhelming and is existant each time I step into the house. Both would eagerly come after me, racing for me to pick them up, hug n kiss them. Apit would always reach me first of cos, while lil Aide would crawl like a lipas kudung to beat Abg Apit. Hehe no matter, both would get an equal chance for my hugs and kisses and when I see their beaming faces, I tell myself Alhamdullillah for another day with my boys. I am ever so grateful for the roof over my head that I call my own for which I paid with my own hard earned money. I am grateful for the continuous rezki I have no matter how bad my financial situation is. No matter how I grumble, I am grateful for the days I am living, getting a chance to care for my sick mum. A chance to repay her deeds even tho I know I will never compare to what she has done for me. How many of us will have this chance?
Yet I see people who are ever unsatisfied with their lives. They have a happy family, good financial situation and so many good things going for them. Yet I always hear them grumble about one thing or another about their lives. Why are we ever so unappreciative of what we have? I hear people comparing their lives with others, envious of this person envious of that person when their lives are even so much better than mine. You would say I am, in a way comparing too but for me I take it as a motivation for me to better my life.
I was watching the House of Joy last nite, this lady showed the guy a Singapore dollar coin and asked what it is? He said what’s the big deal? Its just a dollar. Ahhh, said the lady in Singapore it might be a dollar here but it is worth 2 ringgit in Malaysia and might be lesser in another country of higher economical status. The value of something depends on the circumstances surrounding it for it affects how much something will be worth.
This scene keep replaying in my mind. So just think about it, the life you are living now, which you feel is worthless might be of value to someone else who would give anything to be in your shoes. Or if you are so full of yourself and think your life and your world is so perfect and high n mighty, it might be worthless to another person who might not have as much as you do but yet they have more, in terms of happiness and contentment. Measure the dress on your own body and dun act as if you are something you are not. No point telling me oh I am like this I wanna get that when in actual fact, an empty barrel is being drummed repetitiously.
I have to learn to be what I wrote about. So ok, the complaining might not ever stop. Well, just like shitting rite? As long as you keep the shit in, the tension and pain will always be there. Once its out, wahhh so lega rite.. What a way to put it huh?? Hehehe .. ok ok what I meant was that complaining for me is just to vent out my frustrations and stress. But I will strive to improve my life. I resolute to change what I can and to accept what I cannot change (this part I have been doing quite well, putting up with a lot of rubbish in my life) I know where I stand what I can afford. But I wont stoop to being so calculative that every lil penny will be that precious to me. Most of the time, money isn’t everything. This is the most important lesson I was taught.
Fuhhh.. erm sorry I didn’t realize my entry came to be this long..hehehe what to do? That’s me. Once I start writing, the words just flow. And I tot my brain and fingers would have already rusted by now. Hehehe …I better stop for now before this entry gets any longer..
Wistful for Love
12:24 PM
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