It used not to bother me.. I never used to care.. really it never did. Cos I tot my time would come.My turn would be next...I waited patiently yet day after day, year after year, it never did.I consoled myself in little ways. I tried to make the best of what I had.
Yet I dunno why I can't seem to keep it in check anymore. I get irritated and pissed when I hear others talking and bragging about it. Easy for you to say lah.. you are not in my shoes .. Berat mata memandang berat lagi bahu memikul. Ya, I know there are others in a more pitiful situation.
I am not ungrateful for what I have but the lack of insensitivity of some people really pisses me off. You really dun realize how lucky you are do you? How would you like to walk in my shoes for a day? Wonder how long you'd last?Bear the scorching heat that keeps on burning down on me.
I dun need your pity just some sensitivity. Yes I know you are sick of hearing my stories.My lame stories. Well, this is me. The story of my life. Mebbe a major reason why I rather keep to myself nowadays. I know who I am and where I stand. It's definitely not amongst you. I realize now how far I have gone on my own. Yet I am also aware of just how much further I can go.
I am now a resentful person, hating someone for the tiniest reasons. I hate who I am now for I am definitely not such a person. But hey, I am only human. Envy and jealousy is there no matter how much I try to suppress it. I tried to be a good person. I dunno if I am anymore or if I ever was. Mebbe I never really was.. sad to know isn't it? I wonder what good has being a good person got me? Nothing but pain and misery.
I just want people to quit putting me down. I know who I am and where I stand. You just dun have to keep reminding me and insulting me. I dun have much pride left after all that have happen. Will you take away that lil amount of pride I have too? Would you only be happy if I become a pitiful little hermit, hiding away in a corner and so scared of every little shadow that passes by?
Wistful for Love
11:48 PM
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