~Stagnant day~Wednesday’s always been my fave day of the week..cos I have gotten over the first two lazy days when I am so lazy to go to work…After Wed, come sthe next 2 days where work keeps me so occupied, I do not have time to be lazy..Afterwhich comes the weekends.. 2 days of rest and relax at home with my darlings,namely hubby and Apit of cos.. BUT! That is not the point of my entry today..
Yesterday I dreamt of my late Abah. No .. no.. nothing scary.. In the dream, I saw Abah and me during various stages during his lifetime… When I was young always lazing on the antique sofa, he would always come home and tease me making me scream and shout and run to Mak and complain..Mak tengok ah Abah!! Balik jek nyakat orang!! Buncit!! Botak!! And Abah would always give Mak and me his mischievious grin and chuckle.
My Abah looked like a typical Indian Muslim with dark skinned, pot bellied and moustache. He looked really really fierce.. but underneath tat fierce outlook he was a loving husband and father who loved teasing lil kids and making them cry.. after making them cry he will chuckle to himself and give them sweets heheheh My cousins used to run and hide when they saw my Abah coming..Abah will chase after them grab them and make them cry hehehe I am laffing just picturing the scene again..
When we are in the van, he will wink at Mak and whistle at the ladies passing by .. Then he will tease Mak and say Wah! Tu cantik tu kalau buat bini no 3 power! And Mak, accustomed to his teasing ways will either just ignore or scold him, No shame ah?? Belly so big,worst than pregnant woman, who wants you?? Stupid woman like me only hehehe And Abah will chuckle and say Eh, chinese call this belly vely prospelous you know!!
Later I grew older and was in poly, I was old enuff to haf my own licence.Abah had wanted to sponsor me a driving licence but being the young girl I was then, it did not make much sense for me to have one since we were not able to afford a car.Actually I just did not wanna drive Abah's Mazda Bongo which was even older than I was then..It made more sense to haf a riding licence cos a bike was more affordable for him to buy for me ..heheheh ..otak mau pandai tau mau hidup hehe He must have been rather disappointed when I gave up my riding lessons when I met hubby who had a Fireblade and was then most willing to be my dispatch..Maklumlah baru baru fall in lap so buat apa sume sanggup heheh
When I started working and had to do the permanent nite shift, Abah sent me to work everyday in his taxi and during those drives to work that we caught up with each others day.. He told me wat problems he was facing, wat kinda passengers he had and in turn I would ask him questions on life and make him tell me stories and anecdotes of his life. I really treasured those times..
2nd December 1999, Abah was admitted to CGH after he passed out in his taxi while waiting for passengers at Changi Airport. I rushed to the hospital and he seemed fine although a lil tired.The next day, I took leave to accompany him and Mak at the hospital the whole day. He was hungry he said and so thirsty as the staff told him he supposed to undergo a scan or something. I asked the nurse and she said Oh, can drink oredi all test completed. Cannot eat only ok? Hmm wonder what they have been doing all these while?So gave Abah a drink of plain water and he fell asleep…
I was with him the whole day, chitchatting and joking with him. At around 6pm, he started looking up and havings fits,I shouted for the doctor and nurses .. but no one came.He was clenching his teeth and was starting to bite his tongue… I put a towel in his mouth and ran to the nurse station crying.. Please come ! My father is having fits..You wanna know wat the nurse said? Aiyah! All staff busy attending to other patients lah! I was so mad I shouted at the top of my voice! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT FITS ARE????She turned pale and ran to look for a doctor..
One of my brothers came and told me and hubby, then my fiancé, to go and look for my sister who was not at her house and did not carry a pager or handphone. I went to her house to ask her maid where she went but the maid had no idea..
As I was going down the stairs, my HP rang. It was my 3rd brother telling me that Abah is gone forever! I wailed out loud and suddenly felt weak.. I slumped down the steps and cried my heart out.. Why are you wailing asked my brother? How can that change anything? At that point I did not care where I was or if the neighbours heard. I was crying for my Abah…
I felt that it was not fair that I did not get to see him fior the final time and ask for his forgiveness.. I spent the whole day with him but I did not do it… Why? Cos I just did not expect to lose him so fast! I was really badly affected by his demise.. I cried and did not sleep for days.. I would talk to myself and had illusions of him talking to me …my closest kins tot I was going crazy..
I slowly came to terms with his demise.. I tot at least I spent quality time with Abah especially during his last few days alive.. Unlike my brothers and sister who barely made time to see him… My only regret was not being able to ask him for his forgiveness …Till now, I cry at times when I suddenly think of him .. Or as I look at my family potrait on my office table, tears start rolling down my cheeks and I quickly brush them away,afraid my colleagues would see…My thoughts of him are so fresh .. Mak teaches Apit who his Atuk was .. Always showing Apit his Atuk Ayips photo.. When asked wat si Atuks name? Apit replies, Atuk Ayip!
I just pray for him to be amongst those protected by Allah and may he rest in Peace.
Mohd Sharif Bin Mohd Ali, Semoga roh mu dicucuri rahmat dan semoga kamu diletakkan dia antara mereka mereka yg dikasihi Nya.
~Al-Fateha~.
Wistful for Love
4:51 PM
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