~I'm so farking pissed~I know I've updated for today but I am so farking pissed... tears rolling down my cheeks as I type this entry..How can I not be angry?? I know I know it's nobody's fault but only mine..for always trying to help others yet I end up hurting myself and my own family..
Since they moved in with us, I've watched my darlin son shrink from roly poly chubby wubby boy to a skinny lil fella ... only left skin and bones like his Ayah ..haiya .. Apit used to be so healtlhy, falling sick once once in a blue moon. Now he needs to see the doctor at least 4 times a mth... he hasn't been eating either.. and coughing the nite away sleeping fitfully .. It just breaks my heart to see him shrivel down like that..From a cheerful playful boy to a cranky, sourpuss, who cries and throws tantrums at the slightest irks... pegang sikit ngangis ..usik sikit ngangis.. ngembeng tul ah ..And I AM SICK OF IT...
Sis, I pity you and your situation now but you have to get out my house ASAP!! I need to put my son first!! The whole family has been falling sick so often, everybody's sick of it.. your sickly girls can't share anything with anyone else but themselves..I have tried being there for you but all I get is headaches everyday from the frequent complaints from Mum,your girls shouting and screaming their lungs out, hubby's long face and my own inability to rest even in the comfort of my own home..I get a headache each time I step into my own house!! And its blardy affecting my work!!
I cry myself to sleep each nite as I watch my son sleep restlessly... he cries in his sleep .. I have to be mean but I dun know if I have the heart to drive my own sister and her 3 daughters out of my house??? I dunno if I can wait till August?? That's 4 long months away!!! I dunno if Apit will dissapear into thin air by then??
Ya Allah, setiap kali Kau memberiku dugaan, aku telah cuba sedaya upaya ku untuk menghadapinya dgn tabah... Tapi aku kalah bila dugaanMu membuat ku tercabar akan kesihatan dan kebahagiaan puteraku.. aku kalah Ya Allah ...
Ya Allah, Kau berilah ku petunjuk dan berilah aku kekuatan Ya Allah! Kau dugalah aku dalam segi apa pun tapi jgnlah Kau menduga ku dgn mencabar kesihatan dan kebahagiaan satu satu nyer putera ku Ya Allah.. aku tak sanggup melihat dia menderita begitu Ya Allah.. kasihanilah anak ku yg masih kecil Ya Allah ... Amin
Wistful for Love
9:14 PM
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