~Drama Mama??~Pertaining to my previous entry, is it a fiction of my imagination or is it true? I dunno... go figure it out for yourself.. Makes you wonder doesn't it? Who exactly is this Nanie?? What is she like?
Well, for those who know and have seen me would probably think," Nanie?? Si gemuk tu ada scandal?? Impossible!!" But hey, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.. Compared to other ladies of course lah I lose out.. But I've never compared myself to others lookwise.. Mebbe lifestyle wise yes.. I envy the lifestyles of some people but I dun envy beautiful people... cos hidden beneath those beautiful facades lies a thousand secrets they are so anxious to hide...Mebbe there are others who might fnd me beautiful on the inside..cedelah cam real jek berangan seh.. heheh
I dun really care what people think of me.. I never have.. I always thought that I dun owe anybody anything... It's my life .. I have always or mostly lived my life the way I want to .. My mistakes? I own up to it.. I face my own music..I admit my mistakes and I apologise.. It is so hard to say sorry? I dunno know...
Do I need to be a drama mama?? Nope!! I dun have to add anymore colours to my already colourful life.. I dun have to convince myself nor others especially that I am leading a happy life.. So what if I am debt infested?? So what if my uncle has Aids? So what if my brother is a drug addict and the other is a drug trafficker?? So what if my niece is born out of wedlock??
These are problems most people are facing yet so shameful to admit.. Well, it's their prerogative I guess huh?? I am not proud of these things yet I am not ashamed of them either.. Cos I didn't commit those kinda mistakes.. I am proud to say I've tried my best to help them instead..
I am not proud of what I used to be... The mistakes that I made.. The stupid decision I took.The pain I inflicted on myself that will bear a scar for my whole life... You condemn me for drinking?? For going out with so many guys at one time? For smoking?? So what if I still smoke? I know my priorities.. Go ahead and look down on me.. I dun care.. Bitch about me ... In your face bitch!!!
At least I know I learnt from those mistakes.. Lessons in life most people won't get by being in a sheltered pampered life... Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones... For all you know, those who bitch around and seem so happy may be more miserable than me...
As far as it goes, my life has been full of meaning. The mistakes I made and all that had been thrown at me have only made me stronger. Alhamdullillah, He gave me the strength to face all His challenges well. I may bitch about my life I may groan about it.. but no matter what, it's my life and only I shall be the one to face whatever comes my way, insyAllah I will face it on my own... All I ask is, when you know me superficially, you dun have a right to judge me much less condem me... You have something to say?? Say it to my face! Dun bitch around...
It's been proven when you bitch around about me, it's only your image that is being tarnished not mine.. For what it's worth, I feel so sorry for your pitiful life.. one so empty you have to add so much drama into it only to convince others that you're so f***ing happy.
Well, all that is behind me now. I am not happy but at least I am contented. I lurve my hubby and my son. They fill up my life with so many colours. Its a challenge living with them. I lurve my family no matter what they have done.They are my pillar of strength. I come home to Apit's open arms and greeted with a wet kiss on the cheeks everyday. I sleep in warmth, surround by Apit's lil arms around me..I wake up each morning to his bushuk face and masham hair in my face.. these are the lil pleasures in life which not everybody can have no matter how much money they have. Allah knows who deserves what. So whatever He throws at us, there is a good reason for it and hey, I guess I must be doing something right to have all that I have now.. And for that, I am so grateful for my life..
Wistful for Love
12:09 PM
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