~Yipeeee~Hmm is that the light I see at the end of the tunnel?? It could be! Thing are looking a lil better for us.. the path is a lil clearer.. We are starting to have a smile on our faces.. Ohhhhhh I hope it'll last a lil longer this time..
A short getaway in the line?? Mebbe.. A lil more dough in the pocket?? Hopefully...Ohh I just can't wait... Hmmm newbies coming my way?? Winks at hubby.... InsyAllah ok dear...
Wistful for Love
11:48 AM
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~Crappy day...well almost til..~I must have gotten out fom the wrong side of the bed today or something.. Work was so darned boring today cos even though Japan was on holiday yesterday and there were not much shipments, people were chasing me here and there early in the morning,nanie issue this ..nanie do that ..nanie do this..oh crap!! Eh u worse than handicapped person hell U!! handicapped pon belh buat sendiri tau!!not to mention my Gm have been coming to the office so early in the morning!! Nak sarapan pon tak boleh and forced to pick up all the nuisansical calls.. oh crap!!
Late afternoon hubby called sounding so angry and worked up.. sap story again ah guys!! What lil hopes we had to indulge ourselves for the next few weeks were all gone down the drain... stoopid company he werks for!! I told ya to quit so long ago .. just so stubborn dun wanna listen... Oh darling hubby, I am feeling so crappy and sad about the news.. I can't imagine how you feel..Must be a whole lot worse than me... Takpe lah, mungkin bukan rezki kita.. Sabar jek lah eh.. mebbe we might have better things lined up for us ahead nanti??We'll work something out eh ..insyAllah, He'll help us.
Tot I could forget all my sorrows today by meeting up with Hamida and Yanni for Gelare waffles..From the minute we met up till we parted ways about 3 hours later after waffles, cream of mushroom, croissants and baked rice..we laff all the way.. We talked and joked and laffed a lots...Man I dunno if we felt so darned full eating or laffing... but stil deep inside I still felt down by hubby earlier news...Things didn't change for any better when hubby reached home and his face looked so sullen... oh my poor dear..
My sis the told me a lil later.. she broke some bad news.. my SIL whom I blogged earlier about whom is now pregnant with her first child after more than 10 years of marriage is hospitalised.. for Hypertension ..she's more than 35yrs ole anyway..hopefully its not that serious and all is well..The bad news is ... My family home, the house where I grew up in at Haig Road which had been passed down from my late Abah to my 3rd brother to my 5th brother is now being sold as my brother can no longer afford to maintain it... mebbe due to the pile up of all the bad news today, I just ranted out at my sis who was handling the sellling of the house like a madwoman... how could they do this.. how can they sell a house so full of our memories..
Arwah Abah got that house when he was relocated from the kampung house in Lorong Engku Aman to the newly built HDB flats... All 9 of us grew up in that house... Our friends we got to know in that neighbourhood whom we still keep in touch with.. The best amenities around that estate.. bulan puasa nak gi Geylang anytime boleh seh.. jalan kaki jek 5-10 mins... A house that dun need fans where u just need to open the windows and the winds blows the house as if you were by the seaside..Malam raya pon ta heran kalau nak gi bazaar nak tengok the borongs...
All the convenient buses were there to go to any parts of Singapore .. Esp during the time the MRT was not built yet ... When the REX was the main attraction there... Yosoko... When Lion City Hotel was considered the prominent Hotel there..
Ohhh just too many memories... My tears flowed freely down my cheeks and I ran to my room and buried my face in my pillow and cried freely... There's nothing I can do to change all that have happened.. If only I could, there's so many things I wanna change to make things better for my siblings, for my family. If things could be changed, I would. I definitely would... My life and my family's could be so much different than now... we could be so much more happier... Oh crap!! What a crappy day!man I am feeling so crappy .. I wanna go cry somemore...
Hopefully, tomorrow would be a betetr day...
Wistful for Love
11:34 PM
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~Moi best fren!~
Oleh kerana tak mau seseorang tu merajuk dengan lebih lanjut, beta memperkenalkan Tuan/Puan Bloggers sekalian kepada MY BEST FREN!!! Yanni!!!
We have been best friends since we were 14! Knew each other when we were 13..Imagine tat ..Now we are 27.. 14 years of friendship... we've seen each other thru boyfriends, first loves, scandals, family tiffs, marriage and kids...
Boy does time really flies.. Yanni is the scatterbrained beauty I once mentioned in my blog... Why?? Cos that is just wat she is... I've also said before that she is a genuine friend... what u see is what u get.. she doesn't hide under any masks ... that is wat i love about her.
She is straighforward and ever so trusting... I can tell her anything even if it hurts her but the thing about Yanni is, she doesn't judge.. no matter what people say about you..She takes you for who you are... even though she has always been the butt of our jokes and source of laughter, inside I deeply respect her...
For putting up with me all these years. For facing me in my worst moods, for being there for me when I really really needed her.Meek as she seems, blurheaded or scatterbrained as she is, she remembers to take care of the most important to me, our friendship.The only person I can really trust to keep all my dark secrets, which till now I believe she still keeps locked up in her heart.
I used to always be angry at her.. for always forgetting to call me back when she promised to. For forgeting the important things I used to tell her to remember ..for many things which I now find miniscule to the more important friendship that we share.I have since learnt to accept and love her as she is for she is what I knew 14 years back and still is the same person now. Only wiser and more matured,(not comparing to other sane people lah of cos!!hehehe..Yanni jgn marah hah!!)
Yanni, I love you very much cos you are more than just my best friend. You are my sister,my soulmate and the best friend anyone could ever have. I am so sorry Yanni cos I know there maybe many occasions where I might have hurt your feelings unknowingly. You know I dun mean it.You know how blunt I can be especially when I am angry. Words come out of my mouth before I can stop them and thus I usually say things I dun mean.Mebbe I didn't say this before but I thank you for your friendship all these years.. to many more years of frienship to come!!
Wistful for Love
1:22 PM
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~Boo Hoo~It's 1630hrs on a Saturday and here I am still slogging away at work, shuttling to and fro between my desk and my colleagues. This has been the case each time I am on duty on Saturday. It's half a work day and only half strength manpower. By rite, I should only do my job and my partner's to whom each of us are assigned to, to help cover each other's duties in case the other is not around.
But I have to do 3 people's job!!! Just becos an idiot in the office is always claiming he's too busy to learn his partner's job. he claims that he is unable to do his own job much less learn to do other people's job. Well here's the current news Mister!!Thats what most of us in the same department is facing my dear!! And we dun grumble as much!! Instead we take it in our stride and try to do manage as best as we can lah!! I am struggling like hell too you know!! Macam nak pecah kepala aku, nak figure out which to do first!!
The first week I had to cope on my own, I cried out for help cos I was breaking down and was totally lost. Lucky that idiot help me and we decided to trade partners's duties for that week. After that particular Saturday, I told myself I have to buck up and learn as much as I can from my partner during the weekdays so I will never be as lost as I was..
It worked!! Today, I finally managed to sort out my work. I now know which to do first!!And I am the first one to finish my work today. I even managed to rope in to help my colleagues!! But what made my day today is my new colleague. A shy sheepish young man of mebbe 22-23 years of age. I helped him with his duties quietly and just told him it was done.He didn't acknowledge me so I just assumed he was reallly very busy.. Morever he's a new guy, still trying to cope with his work. Sedangkan aku yg dah bertahun kat sini merengek nak buat apalagi dia eh?
Hours later, when I thought nothing more of it, he came up to me and said " Nanie, thanks for helping me out with blah blah blah." I wasn't expecting him to say thanks and was rather awkward at first. I just told him it was ok and I went back to my desk. Afterwhich I found myself smiling away to myself like an idiot. Hehehehe funny I tell ya.. but it is nice when someone expresses his gratitude for something so lil that you helped with.
I must remember to start doing the same thing. Who knows? It might be passed on and on and on to others.. Then everybody will smile to themselves like idiots..heheheh apa lah logic crita aku ni eh?? ehhehehe
Wistful for Love
4:27 PM
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~Drama Mama??~Pertaining to my previous entry, is it a fiction of my imagination or is it true? I dunno... go figure it out for yourself.. Makes you wonder doesn't it? Who exactly is this Nanie?? What is she like?
Well, for those who know and have seen me would probably think," Nanie?? Si gemuk tu ada scandal?? Impossible!!" But hey, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.. Compared to other ladies of course lah I lose out.. But I've never compared myself to others lookwise.. Mebbe lifestyle wise yes.. I envy the lifestyles of some people but I dun envy beautiful people... cos hidden beneath those beautiful facades lies a thousand secrets they are so anxious to hide...Mebbe there are others who might fnd me beautiful on the inside..cedelah cam real jek berangan seh.. heheh
I dun really care what people think of me.. I never have.. I always thought that I dun owe anybody anything... It's my life .. I have always or mostly lived my life the way I want to .. My mistakes? I own up to it.. I face my own music..I admit my mistakes and I apologise.. It is so hard to say sorry? I dunno know...
Do I need to be a drama mama?? Nope!! I dun have to add anymore colours to my already colourful life.. I dun have to convince myself nor others especially that I am leading a happy life.. So what if I am debt infested?? So what if my uncle has Aids? So what if my brother is a drug addict and the other is a drug trafficker?? So what if my niece is born out of wedlock??
These are problems most people are facing yet so shameful to admit.. Well, it's their prerogative I guess huh?? I am not proud of these things yet I am not ashamed of them either.. Cos I didn't commit those kinda mistakes.. I am proud to say I've tried my best to help them instead..
I am not proud of what I used to be... The mistakes that I made.. The stupid decision I took.The pain I inflicted on myself that will bear a scar for my whole life... You condemn me for drinking?? For going out with so many guys at one time? For smoking?? So what if I still smoke? I know my priorities.. Go ahead and look down on me.. I dun care.. Bitch about me ... In your face bitch!!!
At least I know I learnt from those mistakes.. Lessons in life most people won't get by being in a sheltered pampered life... Those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones... For all you know, those who bitch around and seem so happy may be more miserable than me...
As far as it goes, my life has been full of meaning. The mistakes I made and all that had been thrown at me have only made me stronger. Alhamdullillah, He gave me the strength to face all His challenges well. I may bitch about my life I may groan about it.. but no matter what, it's my life and only I shall be the one to face whatever comes my way, insyAllah I will face it on my own... All I ask is, when you know me superficially, you dun have a right to judge me much less condem me... You have something to say?? Say it to my face! Dun bitch around...
It's been proven when you bitch around about me, it's only your image that is being tarnished not mine.. For what it's worth, I feel so sorry for your pitiful life.. one so empty you have to add so much drama into it only to convince others that you're so f***ing happy.
Well, all that is behind me now. I am not happy but at least I am contented. I lurve my hubby and my son. They fill up my life with so many colours. Its a challenge living with them. I lurve my family no matter what they have done.They are my pillar of strength. I come home to Apit's open arms and greeted with a wet kiss on the cheeks everyday. I sleep in warmth, surround by Apit's lil arms around me..I wake up each morning to his bushuk face and masham hair in my face.. these are the lil pleasures in life which not everybody can have no matter how much money they have. Allah knows who deserves what. So whatever He throws at us, there is a good reason for it and hey, I guess I must be doing something right to have all that I have now.. And for that, I am so grateful for my life..
Wistful for Love
12:09 PM
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~oooohhhhh la la~OOohhhh the feeling I get whenever I see him ... Shivers up my spine.. heart pulsating faster.. kinda reminds me of how I felt when I first fell in lurve with hubby...
I can't help it.. It's beyond my control. It's not that we meet that often but each time we do, both of us are lost for words...God help me! I am not supposed to feel this way .. This is so wrong... I know I lurve hubby.. Why is He testing me this way??
Mebbe I should start avoiding him now so instead of meeting him less I would not meet him at all..The temptation is just so hard to resist. Why?? You know I'm married... You know this is so wrong... just stay away from me.. I still lurve my family..It's just not possible between us..
Ohh dear ________ why is this happening?? Is it becos you remind me of the time when I was so deeply in lurve with hubby? Please make this go away.. please dun haunt me in my dreams...
Hehehe amaciam?? Best tak drama?? macam betul jek aku ni eh hehehehe..
Wistful for Love
5:51 PM
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~happy nyer~Was on MC the past 2 days cos of my cough ... Tu ler dah sakit lagik nak minum air batu lagik nak berasap .. heheh kan dah teruk ... sigh.. but didn't really get much rest as my Mum In Law(MM) was admitted to SGH due to her heart problems... So went to visit her the past 2 days.. She's doing well tho... And apit likes going to the hospital and enjoys his train rides there... Unfortunately becos so many pamper him at the hospital,carrying him here and there, he expects me to carry him too !!Arghh!! kalau ringan takper siaks.. and he dun want hubby ..only me only to carry ..patah pinggang gue..
So the past 2 days were days of good tidings... hehehe Finally my eldest bro who has been married and childless for more than 10 yrs are now expecting their first child!!! So happy for them ..They seemed so miserable when each of my other siblings kept producing babies one after another each year.. dorang setakat menumpang kasih .. now, they look so happy,it's radiating on their faces.. my bro even put pon weight seh .. hehehe..so now my nieces and nephews headcount shall be ermm ..lets seee now ..oh boy 20!!!! with Apit tats 21!!! isk isk isk ... fenings feningss...hehehe raya cnfm kecoh nyer!!
And my cuzz just got to know tat her baby will be a girl!!! After her firstborn is a boy, she was really hoping for a girl and now God has granted her wish!! She is also happy even tho she is having a hard pregnancy this time round...Just last week my good friend told me she is also expecting her 2nd child... she has waited for 6 six years to have another baby.. good for her...
Isk dengar dengar sana sini org ngandung and expecting girls, membuat ku sungguh teringin heheheh well apa mau buat blom rezeki gue lah ... mana lah tau coming soon kah... next change kah ...hehehe At least I already have my bundle of joy, Apit. now that he is starting to talk, he is getting more becok .. at times I wanna just tape his mouth and get some peace... but then he comes up and says something so sweet I just melt!!
For example, we used to give him a blow on his injuries so he'll feel better. Now whenever he fall or hurts himself, he'll come crying to us and we just give him a kiss and a blow on his injury and he gets up and continues playing, immediately forgetting the pain. Once, I was sick and was lying on bed all day, he came up to me asking to play with him. I told him "Ibu sick lah tak leh play ngan Apit".He looks at me and ask'"Ibu sick eh? Apit tiup eh?" Den he gives me a kiss and blows on my face and pulls me up to go play with him.. awww isn't tat sweet??
I can't ever imagine life without Apit. I forget about my fatigue the moment I reach home and see his face..Till he settles down and sleeps, I suddenly feel so drained out and fall asleep with Apit in my arms... when I sleep, all cuddled up with Apit I feel so peaceful and relaxed. It's like I am in heaven seh ... I lurve my Apit so much!!
Wistful for Love
1:28 PM
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~Waffles!!~It's half priced Waffles day today!!!! Yum yum ... me busy looking for partner to indulge in some heavenly food sins today heheheh..No need high class places lah ... beli tapau dok bawah blok makan pn ok per eh?? hehe ada kang cair siaks tu ice cream..
Tarak apa .. dok sana makan waffles sampai kembong... wonder how the Q will be like?? Cam ular sawa ada?? Ke cam Anaconda eh?? heheh Tarak apa ... akan ku harungi tu sume .. waffles nyer pasal tagak aje lah hehehehe .. I havent forgotten my first taste of it wif marcie at Siglap 2 weeks ago... hmmmm now tummy growling oredi ...
A pity nobody's free today ... tomorrow?? no half price leh .. me sengkek one u know .. Wat to do?? Can't afford full priced Waffles.. hehehe Kau igt aku ni MRS HIGH AND MIGHTY no 1 & 2 ke?? heheh nope I am not like them...
Hmm no takers?? Ok lah Yanni .. terpaksa lah aku tunggu kamu!!! Lepas tu janji kena teman aku plak tau!! heheh oohhhh waffles... here I come!!! Double Waffles with 2 scoops of Full chocolate ice cream and baked bananas topped with Chocolate sauce!!!! Foo yooo!!! Power gedemak!!
Wistful for Love
12:07 PM
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~Allahu Akhbar~Bravvooooo!! Congratulations.. You have managed yet again to hurt me deep... Just when I was learning to trust you again after so long.I wonder how you can manage to do that? Aren't you tired of it yet??
You gave me a blow rite in the face just when my body is so physically strained and I am so emotionally drained...I dunno how to bear with it any longer.. I really wanna give it all up .. just walk away and leave...
"Ya Allah, sesungguhnya Kau lebih mengetahui. InsyAllah aku akan dapat melalui setiap dugaan yang ku hadapi dariMu dengan tabah.Berikanlah aku semangat semoga aku cekal menghadapi segala cubaan. Teguhkan pendirian ku agar ku tidak tewas dengan hasutan hasutan itu.
Berikan aku kekuatan supaya aku tidak hanyut didalam buaian ombak kuat yang datang melanda layar yang aku naiki ini.Sesungguhnya setiap yang terjadi itu ada hikmahnya.Semoga aku akan ketemu jawapan yang selama ini ku cari dengan petunjuk dariMu Ya Allah.Amin"
Wistful for Love
6:02 PM
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~I am sorry but.....~I am sorry I was cranky .. I may read things the wrong way..But did you ever read back what you wrote? The words were kinda harsh and I am not the only one to say so.. like I said I was cranky and might have seen the wrong side of things .. I am normally not this sensitive.. I dun think about my friends feelings?? Goes to show just how lil you know about me.. I get tired sometimes to keep on thinking about how others might feel..maybe this is the final curtain.. This is the light at the end of the tunnel cos all this while I was wondering about it.. I guess God has a way of showing you things in life that you sometimes choose to purposely turn a blind eye to..So I really appreciate what had happened.. cos it showed me I knew who I was..At least I am true to myself.. I am not afraid to show the bad side of myself cos I am only human.. And humans DO make mistakes you know... I dun wanna be a hypocrite..and you choose to point out what I had already brought out in myself.. Bravo.. Throw a flower at yourself..I was hurt by you before this and now is the last straw.
But you have known me long enuff! you should know better... I am so sad rite now you won't even tell me what I did or said wrongly to you.. Boycott me if you please,I can't do anything more ..Boy am glad I have friends like Yanni..who may not always be there for me but always true to herself .. at least she is genuine.. what you see is what you get ...made the effort, I did try .. dun give me reasons cos this is not the first time you are doing this to me... I know you did this before.. Its just so sad and I am so hurt .. I would have apologised if I hurt your feelins cos we've been friends for so long ... but this is the path you chose and I shall walk down the path you have chosen..
I may not be the best friend in the world but I do my best to be ..
kadang kadang aku ni cuma cuba menumpang kebahagiaan orang lain... at least for that short moment in time I would forget about my own troubles..mungkin juga aku ini terlupa diri.. tak sedar diri ... takpelah sekurang kurang nyer aku dah tau keadaan sebenarnyer.. Terima kasih atas segalanyer...
Wistful for Love
11:26 PM
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~Thats It!!~Woo Hoo!! I just bought my dream car! Mazda2!!! woo hoo!! happy nak mampos!! Actually not me yg beli lah, won it in a lucky draw.Oh ya,I bought myself several beatiful artifacts to put in my newly purchased Masionette too.Apit is such a darling, behaving well and no tantrums.Guess what?? We are going to have another baby!!! Hubby struck lottery and we paid off all our debts !!!So we shall now be living not in luxury but at least no more worries..Sudah lah tu!! Enuff is enuff!! Lets just leave at that..no point dragging it further.Eversince YOUR arrival, we have been so strained!! Its ok lah .. part of life I guess. I know who I am and where I stand. I can't be on par with YOU.DO What YOU want and what YOU will. I shall pull back and leave YOU alone. It's so sickening to always be the SCUM. Yes I do feel that way! You made me feel that way! I dun want to be any part of it anymore. Hope YOU are happy ..
Yanni said I am cranky today! Menses?? Nope! Selalu aku diam jek.. menangis sendiri.. sentimental?? Wateva you wanna call it ..Wat I wrote are my dreams ..Some of which I might be able to achieve if I persevere and work hard enuf. Some I know I will never achieve..Thats is the story of my life.. I am resigned to it. Does it make me a bitter person? I hope not.. I am just tempremental...Lurve me as I am..I dun hope for much.. I just wanna be happy..is that too much to ask?
For now I am contented if I can just for a holiday even if it for ahort while in Malaysia, rent a car once every few months and drive my family around for Kai Kai,earn a lil more just to pay off debts and bills.. I have been tested a lot through my life.. Mebbe He needs to test me more? So be it... InsyAllah I will be able to get through it ..What dun kill me will only make me stronger true is it not?
For now, just leave me alone will ya? I am sleepy, hungry and tired thus I am cranky!! Just let me be..
Wistful for Love
12:40 PM
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~So wat?~Brani buat abih tak brani tanggung??Mebbe u didn't read my disclaimer? Funny how people are... Must it be only about the good stuff??? Too bad I dun experience much of the good stuff or I'd be talking about it most of the time and know wat?? I dun really care... been judged enuff... especially by people who dun really know me...it's so superficial..
I am so tired and so bogged down with so many things... Why am I so angry today??? Dunno lah .. penat agaknyer lah .. I'd usually buat bodoh jek ngan such childish stuff ... work with monkeys u get peanuts lah of cos...Tau sume nak tolak jek ... darned!! Nowadays I am working 13 hours each day.. hmm ada chance naik pangkat ni hehehehe berangan lah terus..
Anyways, beggars can't be choosers... the dirt,dust and rubbish chooses you..hehehe penat eh agaknyer hari hari nak kena go everywhere bringing the rubbish with you along???
Eh apa saje aku merepek ni eh??? Dah lah ... keje pon lebih baik ..cari rezki yang halal lebih baik than bitching around..tul tak Yanni???
BTW, so happy for my good friend.Finally u are getting what u have been dreaming of for so long .. I am so happy for you... InsyAllah all will be well ..I can't wait for the time to come..Keep me updated ok ..
Wistful for Love
8:50 AM
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~Accident?Arghh!!!I rented a car over the weekend and was given the opportunity to experience my first car accident!!! Yes I hit another car!!! Geeesshh!!Luckily I was alone in the car at that time.. in JB somemore!!!
Lucky again, both cars were at a slow speed so the impact was not that bad and no one got hurt. The other car only got a lil scratched and the Apek was kind enough to let me go.. when I looked at my rented car later, boy was I shocked!!! The signal light was smashed, the body dented and the mud guard was crooked!! Oh my God!!!
What am I gonna tell the owner?? Its the first timwe I rented the car from him... And he was kinda enough to rent to me at a very low rate.. Space wagon somemore!! I can't concentrate on my driving as I was thinking about how to answer to the owner..
Anyways, I knew it was my own fault for being too careless and I had to face the music. So I told the owner the truth. Lucky he was a rational person adn did not blow his top!! but he did seem a lil upset though( Kalau kreta aku pon aku bingit eh??!! Agak nyer aku dah melenting siaks!!) We settled about the payments and stuff.. He will send the car to the workshop and update me about the repair costs!! Sedih siak... baru ingat nak save duit dah kena kluar lagik!!! Iskk!!!! nasib.. nasib!!!
Accident aside, I thoroughly enjoyed my weekend. I rented the car from Sat-Mon, shared with my family and friends lah of cos.. Ingat aku ni cap duit ke kat keje nak sewa lelama!! Hehehehe
On Saturday went grocery shopping at Geylang plus my niece's birthday party at Kallang Bahru... On Sunday, went to JB with my mum, mum in law and some relatives... Shopping sakan seh makcik makcik tu .. dapat gaks beli rokok sana.. murah beb.. hehehe
On Monday, went again to JB!! Betul!!!! This time with my friends Lin with her family and my best friend Yanni with her hubby n son! Had loads of fun lah... from start till end ketawa jek ... of cos tak payah bukak radio lah cos the entertainment came from our naturally talented clown, Yanni!! (Yanni kalau kau baca jgn marah huh!!)Oh this time kita beli DVDs!! hahahaha
Everyone agreed we should do it again sometime soon.. I tot should make it a half yearly event but the rest wanted to make it a monthly event!! HUH??? Ni lagik!!! Korang ingat aku ni cap duit ke tetiap bulan nak gi shopping kat JB!!! heheheh lain ah kalau ada orang nk sponsor eh?? Gi tetiap minggu pon tarak apa punyer!!! heheheheh
Wistful for Love
7:58 PM
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