~It never rains but pours!I wanted to blog about 3 beautiful human beings I had recently met and got to know but something else cropped up. So I shall put the 3 people on hold first...
My uncle passed away on 21st Feb, Monday. When he was alive, everyone avoided him like plague due to the gravity and taboo of his illness and also his character which I shall not mention. So when he passed away, everyone seemed more relieved rather than sad..
Even his own daughter who was looked after by her grandma since young shed no tears and was emotionless. Only 4 women,inclusive of myself and 4 men attended his funeral from the bathing of the corpse to the burying ceremony. I felt pity for him. It was already such a sad ceremony but to see the small group saddens it even more. I only pray all his sins will be forgiven by Allah and that my uncle had a chance to repent and mend his ways before he passed away.
I took the oppurtunity to visit Abah's grave. Suddenly I was flooded with all the emotions that I had been keeping.. My tears flowed freely as I recited the Fateha for Abah.. I wished things could have been different and my life would not be like it is now...But I know that all this is God's will...Whateva He sent my way only made me stronger...Still, I miss Abah so much and wish so badly he is still around to comfort me.I found it hard to walk away from his grave and had to be pulled away by my relatives..
I then wondered what will happen at my own funeral.Will it be attended by many who will remember me and loved me? Or will nobody attend and feel relieved I'm gone? Was I a good person when I was alive?Have I done enough deeds in this world to secure me in the other world? Its scary.. thinking if it made me restless and I can't sleep the whole night...
Wistful for Love
11:00 AM
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~f***ed up~Tats it! I so darned fed up.I am giving it up... really?? Serious??? Well I AM serious contemplating IT! I dun carry a HP around anymore, I just can't afford it. And it's been such a longgggg time since I gave myself a hiatus from everybody and everything. I used to to do that during my younger, more kepala angin days
I would just msg my closest frens that I need to be alone for a while.. And I would just plain dissapear... I want a break.. Nope.. the correct phrase is I need a break! No contacts no outings no nothing except with my family.
So I am gonna do just that.Without a HP I can go anywhere without having it ringing or beeping. I might be on MSN but I wouldn't be there.. I'll be away mind you..
Btw, I am seriously thinking about joining IT!! Auditions will be next weekend. Hmm just nice, it's my weekend off... Should I or shouldn't I? My heart is set on joining and most probably I will be going. Its something I should do for myself for once and go for what I've always wanted. Something that I wouldn't be able to afford to do on my own. It might make a HUGE difference in my life. And mebbe for once, people would look at me differently.
So I think I will definitely be going for the auditions. And wateva turns out, I'll be happy cos at least I know I tried. I am not ashamed of it. I didn't even tell hubby about it. Hopefully this tmie, there will be no charges unlike the other auditions..Wish me luck ..And til I see u again, If I do see u that is..
For now, even tho it's the weekends, I'm just cooped up at home bored to tears... The she devils are in the hall, screaming their heads off! Man! I am going crazy!!
Wistful for Love
10:27 AM
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~Phew!!~It's been a loooong time ... so many things cropped up.. At work and at home.. phew! I am damend tired!!
At work, I have been so happy the past few weeks cos the Blardy nyonya is finally resigning .. There will be peace in office..More work for me due to the reshuffling of duties but becos of too many boot lickers trying to suck up to the Japanese mgr,there were constant changes everyday. Also, the nyonya is stirring trouble for me everyday. She has been telling her customers and our main office bad stories about me. Even tried to sow discord between me and a supervisor I am close to..Dah nak jalan tu berambus jek lah.. lagik nak carik pasal...mampos tak nak ...nang bo ti nang tui bo ti tui
At home... I knew raising kids was a tough job but raising other people's kids is even more tough even if its your nieces and nephews! She told me to discipline whenever I deem necessary.. But each time I do, she goes and defends them.. Arghh!!! so frustrating...now I dun give a hoot about them and always bring my son out or we coop oursleves in my room.. sigh, so pathertic rite? To be a stranger in your own home. She complains everyday about everything. Then when she does that, Mum counter compains.. so even in the office I get numerous calls from home and her, each counter complaining about each other. Man I am going crazy!!!Hubby has been such a dear... been keeping quiet about everything and been very patient... Lucky I have him to support me...
As for my own son, I know I seem bad but I am trying so hard to keep him from staying over at my in laws.. I dun mind if he goes there for a visit but I dun want him staying over... They spoil him rotten and when he comes home, he expects the same treatment from us... Then I will end up spanking him more ... sigh..morever, I dun want people saying hubby and I are imposing on the old folks who are not working and dun have any money!Each time they give Apit money, we refuse but the old folks kept on insisting! Tell me now, wat am I supposed to do?
I knew life is gonna be difficult but why do I have to let other people add problems to my already complicated life? I try so hard to please everybody yet I end up on the losing end.. I wanna run but to where?
Wistful for Love
12:20 PM
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~Friday Galore!~If I had taken a days leave today, I would have 5 straight days of pure relaxation at home... phew... the past few days at home was pure bliss!!
On Tuesday was hald day. Even though I was the only Malay in my dept, I was able to finish both my job and my partners' who were on leave. So I was the first one out of the office. Powerrrr!! Met up with my best friend Yanni. Haven't met up with her for soooooo longggggg.... missed chatting and ctaching up with her. We had prata at the new food court in Century Square then for a drink at Coffee Bean. Was refreshing to meet up again.
On the first day of CNY, I just slept the whole day, played with Apit and watched DVDs... felt very refreshed. Was actually supposed to go on a picnic with the gang and kids but seeing the extremely hot weather and that the kids were just recovering from their fever and flu bouts, we cancelled the plans.
On the 2nd day of CNY, I spent most of the day at home doing nothing. In the evening hubby called up to say he took half day since most flights were cancelled due to not much cargo. He asked me and Apit to meet him at the terminal. So off I went with Apit to PTB 1. Apit enjoyed his bus rides as he always had. We went to the vewing mall to see the aeroplanes then had dinner at Popeyes. The NTUC at the PTB1 was open so we took the chance to buy some groceries.
Was very tired by the time we reached home but Apit was gettng more energetic. Coaxed him to finally fall asleep at about midnite. But I can't sleep much as he kept having nightmares. Finally ended up waking up late today. Woke up at 9am man! Boy I quickly called the office to take 2 hours off and reached work at 10.30am.
My desk was like a warzone! Documents were piled up high. Luckily it didnt take me long to sort them out and by now, lunchtime, I'm relaxing already, taking my own sweet time to do my work...
Hmmm prata again Yanni?? We'll see about it ..cos I don't know if I can get off early from work today.Call you later!!
Wistful for Love
1:46 PM
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~Odd one out~
Went Jb with the girls after work yesterday.. Tot of having some retail theraphy or just a change of air might do me some good.While they were busy shopping for clothes and shoes at City Square, I didn't find any interest as I knew there would not be any in my size.
All of us bought DVDs though..quite a number actually ...hehhee I didn't learn my lesson form the previous encounter with Customs..
Then off we went to Carrefour. There... I got my so called retail theraphy.. I bought milk powder, cooking oil and all the groceries I could buy with the lil money I had...Very worth it ... If I had the same amount in SGD, I doubt I would be able to purchase as much as I did in JB..Bought my chocolate milkshake at McDs there... yummy ...
Singgahselalu was our next stop.. Not that the nice the set meal we ordered but the price was ok.. Tot of trying the Sheesha but..hmmm I had been drinking cold beverages the whole day and my cough was acting up again... so I decided against the Sheesha.. another time perhaps...
Sometimes I feel odd that I dun share similiar interest as other girlfriends... I would rather spend my money on groceries and stuff for my family... But the satisfaction is different I guess...I feel happy buying stuff for my family...
Kekadang terkilan gaks seh nak go shopping baju ngan bebarang sendiri ... hmmm but everytime I try to do so, I end up buying stuff for my family instead..heheh ole habits die hard I guess
Its 3pm on a Saturday and here I am still stuck in the office with work!! Sigh.. sneezing away non stop and coughing doesn't help much..I really wanna pop some BeauFlu and gulp down some cough medicine and go to bed ... Arghhhhhh!!!!!
Wistful for Love
2:34 PM
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~Darn!!~
Its not enuff that I am so bogged down with so many problems, I have to face the blardy cold virus!!! Was on MC yesterday. And today when I came back to work, everyone was laffing at me cos I sounded like a Bapok!!! Darn it!!
Good news is the darned Nyonya at work has resigned!!! yipppeeee!! There shall be peace at work!!! But I will have to take over most of her work! Well, its worth it lah ... more OT for me?? Mebbe..
We had a meetng at work today.. the usual company not doing well...blah blah blah ... shall be cutting down staff by any emans possible blah blah blah... Everyone was looking at me then.. why?? Cos I am the balck sheep of the group... always on leave and MC.. forver being late ..well, for this month at least ...
So, the morale is, I am in danger of being terminated. Sigh want would I do if I really was? With hubby in that kinda situation and so many mouths at home for me to feed..
Should I start scouting for a better job now?? Wat should I do?? I am at my wits end!!
Wistful for Love
7:02 PM
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