~A whole new Year~
It's a year since I last blogged... hahah I know I know.. bad joke.. has it been a week?? less?? dunno.. On leave from werk from 31/12-04/01 . So is hubby. We decided to spend some quality time together at home with beloved prince, Apit.
My colleagues are asking me why am I wasting my precious leave so early into the new year?? Is it a waste spending time wif my family at home?? Just becos we can't afford to go anywhere even for a short holiday?? Nope! Time at home is well spent. Apit is learning to use the pc!!!! Imagine tat!! My darling 2 year old!
Actually the reason why I wanted to spend the new year at home is because of 2 narrow brushes with death on Thursday, 30th December. Yes, both incident happened on the same day within a few hours of each other.
First one happened while my colleague was driving me home from work. Just behind us, before we exited the TPE into Punggol, the car behind us overtook by 3 lanes. The driver must either be on the phone or did not check his blindspot. The fast cars in the third lane slammed into him and we saw smoke and another car ramming into them. If my colleague had been another meter nearer the cars, we would have been involved too. Ya Allah, the 2 of us were shaking and he had to park his car for a while before driving off again.
I went out again later that evening after freon and lilac fetched me to go to town. Believe me if I had known they were going into town which I really hated, I would not have gone. Were having our dinner at Far East, dinner which had just started. We saw people running and shouting at us to run. Fire!! Fire!! they shouted. We initially tot it was a prank but when we started smelling smoke, we paid for our food and evacuated the building. Shops were being hastily closed, the alarms were ringing. We stood at the pedestrian bridge to see where the fire was, we saw 4 fire engines coming. I felt the bridge shaking. Initially I tot it was my imagination or I was shaking out of fear but freon felt it too and we rushed off the bridge before anything untowards happened. I am glad we came out of it unhurt and even more glad I escaped a second time!It was too much for one evening!!!
Ever since the Tsunami disaster, I have been crying each time I watch CNA showing pictures of death! Dead bodies lying around rotting,laying rigid in rows. It especially tugged at my heart to see rows of corpses of children and babies being laid out.The insanity of an Sri Lankan mother, raving on the sight of her daughter's body.The tears of a man in Penang who had to bury 5 of his 7 children. Even as I am typing this my tears are flowing freely.Call me sentimental if you want.
I pray every chance I get that my family is protected by Him. I am so grateful that I sleep peacefully at nite, knowing that my son is safe. So grateful I can go to work and come back late without worrying about natural calamities befalling my family!I've always had the philosophy that no matter how difficult my life is, there are other facing worse than me. The disaster have truly shown me how blessed I am. I dun dare to ask for more that wat I have now. I have my mum, husband, son and siblings around me. I only strive to make our lives better but will never forget wat we have gone through.
Being financially poor, I have had to almost beg for favours from people. People treat me like scum just because I had, at one time gone around borowing money to pay for my utility bills.Debts accumulating becos I had to pay for my mum's high dialysis bills and hospital bills.Bills that have since dried out even my Medisave which I have saved for almost 10 years. Debts from friend which I have since cleared. I know now that no one will help me in times of needs. I know they try to avoid me and dun ask me out wif their cliques cos they know I dun have the means to pay for what they will be buying or going. Each time I go anywhere is only becos I shamelessly wanna tag along. I know better now. I have been insulted and looked down upon. I have cried tears that are so worthless for these so called frens and colleagues. I had to go through these humiliations and I have time and again put on a thick skin and gone through it so many times.I have realised that wat Hamida said is true. Family matters most. Friends are secondary to them.
I know there some of you out there who are pretentiously being my friend. You say you will be there when I need you but you never are! I may not be as well off as you to have what you have. I dun mind. I know my time will come. I know that I am a sincere friend who will help even if I have to stretch my last dollar to do so. I do it sincerely and without expecting anything in return.Yet, when it comes to my turn to ask a favour from my frens, they shun me away.It's okay.What goes around comes around my friend.
I have gone through many hardships in my life.The lil luxuries I have now, I earned with much struggle and sweat.I have slowly built up my life with my own toil and sweat and not by being born with a silver spoon in my mouth. Nor have I been spared the cane by my parents and have everything that I wanted thrust into my hands. I had to study and work hard just to earn just a big bar of Nestle chocolate from my parents.I had to earn a placing in the top 3 of my class every year just to earn that bar of chocolate.How precious is that bar of chocolate to me, even now.
I know this is an especially long entry and I am lamenting about my life. I just wanna let all my frustrations out. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go hug my son!
Wistful for Love
9:49 PM
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