~Message in a bottle~
Was watching the Amazing Race and waited for my weekly dosage of CSI Miami.. hmmm Message in a bottle??I've watched the movie several times..as the show started I started to recall the storyline ...and my tears rolled down my cheeks..I've always been a sucker for romantic movies but this particular movie touched me deep in my heart..
Based on a romantic novel by Nicholas Sparks, it tells a story of true everlasting love.. of a man loving his wife so much its hurts him.. esp when his wife dies and how this lady reporter went in search of him after finding several messages he wrote to his wife after her death ...one of which his late wife had written before she died..and how the reporter and him healed each other and found love in each other again...
How many of us hope to find that kinda love in our life?? How our partner would appreciate us so much??How many of us had found love and lost?? Have we found the person who would have healed us?? One who would bring love again into our life?? Love as great as the one we lost?Or mebbe even greater and purer?
Our true love dun haf to buy us expensive gifts or flowers so often it becomes meaningless.. One who would say so often "you are so beautiful".. u would find yourself wondering one day, how much does his words carry the truth that he hides in his heart? "Does he actually mean You are fat?"
If he says "I love you" too often,do they lose their significance?? Would you then find yourself asking, "Does he mean wat he says? Why is he saying it so often?? Did he do something unfaithful behind my back??Is he wearing a mascarade?Is his frequent profession of love for me a mirage of wat he doesn't feel anymore?"
"You are my true north" G wrote this to his late beloved Catherine...and by reading his letter.. u can feel the honesty in his words.. how sincere he was in penning down those words.. words he didn't say when Catherine was alive ...
Do we always do that? Only know how to appreciate our true love when they are no longer around? When we have lost them? Wat about now??!!!When he is laying down next to you at nite? When he sits next to you on the sofa watching the corny dramas u so loved?You could just reach out and hug him or kiss him ..
Analysing this, I realised, Heck! I haven't found my
True North. Although I tot I had... No, I haven't. I dun feel I am your
True North either..I dun feel appreciated... nor do I feel the love I am supposed to..
Should I hunger for this? I dun ask for shinies nor cold hard cash .. I never had.. I am used to living a hard life.. My parents taught me well .. they taught me to be independant and strong... but this facade of mine is slowly fading away ..I used to be independant and strong.. but you are wearing me down...bit by bit...
No matter how much I have achieved or how far I have gone, I need to be loved.. I've always imagine my true love would treat me well as in loving me and making me feel appreciated ..Actions DO speak louder than words my dear...
I hurt when you spend your nites awake playing games,chatting or just surfing and I am alone in bed waiting for you to come and lay down next to me and just hold me.. I unconciously fall asleep with dashed hopes..I wake up with u sleeping next to me after a nite of facing your pc and helping others be happy wif that chat site.. yet you are facing away from me..
You dun think twice about sacrificing your sleep for that site yet you grumble when I ask for help with my blog... U sleep in the daytime when here I am sick to the core and crying to bear the pain the gastric caused me yet I manage the family ... You'd sacrifice your sleep to do overtime yet you fall asleep almost immediately when you reach home...you dun listen when I try to reach out to you ... Instead, you drown me in your sorrows and problems, expecting me to solve them, yet you scoff at my suggestions.
I am trying so hard to accept my life as it is .. I am grateful for the beautiful gift God had given me.. a son so wonderful that he understands me better than you do .. A son who hugs and kisses me when I am down .. A son who comes and wipes away my tears when I hide in a corner,hurting too much to see you ...
I try so hard to live my life fully .. to provide for my family ... to overcome the obstacles that come my way .. to get over the waves of sadness that engulfs me every now and then ... and I dream ever so often, I sometimes confuse them with reality..
And I shall continue dreaming .. and working towards that wonderful life I've always dreamt of..With or without you!
P.S. By this entry, I do not mean to put you down..I am just expressing the words you dun seem to ever wanna hear..I am soo sorry if I hurt you in anyway by this..I hoping you will realize no matter wat, I just want our lives together to get better ...I dun wanna live this way for the rest of my life...I hope you understand better now..
Wistful for Love
12:02 AM
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