v o g u e ; unabated

~F#%*ed Up Saturday!~

While everybody else is out enjoying their Saturdays, here I am slogging at home the whole day! Woke up early this morning to send my mum for her blood test, then off to the market and had to carry loads of groceries by myself.

Then I cleaned up the whole house,did the laundry, entertained Apit's tantrums and what did I get? I get SHOUTED at!! Not once not twice but THREE times mind you!Each time, I held back my tears and walked away.Sometimes I wonder how the the hell I got myself involved with you! All I get is heartaches and problems! I've lost count of the times you made me cry.

I wonder if I made a HUGE mistake! I've asked myself that many many times before and everyday I contemplate walking away from everything! Why do I slog so hard for? Why am I sharing all your responsibilities? Why should I carry your burdens? It ain't part of my life story!

You come running to me when you have a problem and expect me to solve them. You scorn at my ideas to make things better. Whatever I suggest, I only get negativity from you!

I cried so many times today. But you either didn't notice or you chose to turn a blind eye to the hurt you inflicted on me. I wish to God I could turn back time and change the decisions that might have resulted in a different lifestyle for me!

God, give me the strength to carry on with him. I dunno if I can make it through. My only pillar of strength is Apit. Yet, I wonder if his life will be better if I were to embark on the journey that I'm contemplating to take. A journey whose equation doesn't include YOU!

Today, each time I cry, Apit comes to me and looks at me sadly. Then he wipes away my tears and kisses me. I wonder if he has more compassion and appreciation in him for me than you do! Arrrrggghhh!!!!! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!!!!

Wistful for Love
7:47 PM |