Tuesday's Thoughts
~Tuesday's thoughts~
Was on MC today. Caught the viral bug.But had no time to rest. Had to send my mum to her appointment then home for a while before going to Bedok to fetch my larling Apit. The house was so quiet without him.There may be 3 adults in the house but boy does a kid make a diffrence. The moment Apit stepped outta house there was total silence and also peace for me. Yet I missed his bubbly ramblings and constant "ma this and ma that!" Now that he's home, there is a certain kinda of peace yet chaos only mothers of "terrible twos" will understand.heheh
I didn't actually know what to blog about when I first started on today's entry but then something happened today that I just remembered. Are all old people really that senile? Or is it true when poeple say they become kids again when they grow older. the cycle starts again? if you know what I mean.
I spent the whole day with my mum.and she was really trying my patience the whole of the time I was with her. There was a certain point where I can't stand it anymore and I shouted at her in public. Then she put on her sulky face and pouting lips!! Arghhh!!! I'm going mad!!! People tell me to be patient.I have been very patient.people tell me old people are like that.. well not all!! most definitely!!
Yes, I know my mum is sick. That is why she is acting the way she is.She is suffering from end stage renal failure.A kidney patient who has to rely on dialysis in order to continue living her remaining days and trying to stretch it out as far as she can go. She wanna see me have another baby.she wanna see her beloved Apit grow up..
Yes, the kidney patients you see on TV charity shows and dramas.it is real.and life for them and their families are hell.i should know peeps. i'm going thru it rite now. I know my mum feels so useless and helpless coz there's nothing she can do to help herself and that she is sorry I hafta to bear the bruden of her medical costs and to take care of her on top of providing for my own family..
My poor mum doesn't go for haemodialysis which is the blood dialysis. the one u see people going to NKF centres,inserting huge needles into themselves and having the machines clean their blood. Even then my poor mum is going through the equally painful and more expensive CAPD.
Continuous Ambulatory Peritoneal Diaysis.She has this tube already inserted into the tummy and 4 times a days she has to drain in a bag of sugar water and drain it back out 4 hours later.. she is hurting and suffering..I feel so bad.. i wish i can take this pain away from her..
Yet she is still strong enuff to help me by caring for my Apit and cooking for me. I feel so grateful to her.. and I know, this is the time for me to repay her for bringing me into this world and for bringing me up.. yet I also know, watever I do will not suffice for all that she has done for me...
Wistful for Love
11:30 PM
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