Nanie Oh Nanie Where art Thou?
~Nanie Oh Nanie Where art Thou?~
Been here, there,everywhere yet been nowhere. Just wallowing in my own sorrows and depression. Been busy at werk and home... Getting dissapointed almost everyday.. One by one my plan get thwarted. All my dweams and plans of a short weekend getaway got dashed by my company's new so called salary increment!! Its so pathetic boy! Not even enuff to cover half a mths meals!
So there goes my short weekend getaway wif my family. Next come my 2nd driving test. I flunked the thing wif no immediate failure and 40 points! Why? I admit I did make some minor mistakes but it won't have caused me to fail if I had not encountered this Bangladeshi driver who just rammed into my lane from the side road and made me do an E-brake and horned at him! The stoopid tester said I did it too late ... what made matters worse? I got the test route requiring me to make a U-turn at Jalan Eunos rite after the PIE exit!! That road is blardy busy at all times especially since it was at a peak hour where everyone was rushing to get to work!! So I had tried to filter into the middle lane from the left most lane to get to the right most lane but the selfish drivers won't give me way and even honked at me!
So I failed the test? No big deal some of you might say? Just keep on trying and dun give up you say? There's always another chance you say? Ya people, thanks for all the encouraging words you have said and all the taunting that my colleagues are giving me. Nobody except God knows hows dissapointed,how hard and how much I have sacrificed to take up my driving licence.
My power supply got cut off, my telephone line got cut off. All because I had deferred the bill payment in order to go for my driving lessons and TP tests. I could hear my Mum's silent tears when I told her about my second failure. I felt big hearted that she was the only one who really shared my sorrow. So many bills are hanging because I gave priority to my driving! yet I failed it again!
Hubby, maybe you were right in discouraging from taking up my driving in the first place. Although I have no regrets and will still persevere till I pass, I'm dissapointed that I did not get the support that I was hoping for especially from you. No matter what I intend to do you have never encouraged me. I dun blame you coz I know you are worried about our financial situation. But we'll never get anywhere if you just sit on your behind and just think and wallow about it instead of getting up and doing something about it.Everything that I have suggested or tried to find ways to settle our problems, you keep on thinking of the pessimistic side of things. So be it. Our life will never change and we will never get anywhere.
I am so tired... so blardy tired... I sure hope the time when I will just walk away and leave everything behind and never look back will never come coz if that day does come, I really will do it.For now, I just wanna forget about everything.. Just let me be ... I will be okay..I just need some time alone.. I will be back to my normal self soon ...might be later in the afternoon or tomorrow. Might even take up to days or weeks but dun worry I will get over it.I know I'm strong. I have to be for family's sake. I have always been strong for their sake.
Wistful for Love
11:26 AM
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