What have I been up to since I failed my test?? Getting depressed at home and werk!!!!!So many things have happened but I dunno if I have the energy to put it down in words for you....
I read Watie's blog and this gerl of 22 was lamenting about life that as she grows older,there seems to be more problems and obstacles she has to go thru.. well gerl, you ain't seen nothing yet!!!
True, life gets harder as you grow older. At times I felt so despondent, I feel like just ending everything in watever way I can but I always brush myself up and think that as difficult as its seems my life is getting, there are others facing much more difficulty than me... And I read someone's blog ,I qoute" God will never test you more than you can handle" It's very very true I guess...
I have gotten over so much the last 10 years.. been thru so much... the passing of my beloved father, the betrayal of my then fiance,my mother getting terminal illness, the hardships of providing for my family singlehandedly and so much more... I wonder where I get all that strength from?? Friends tell me that I'm a strong woman...but where does all my perseverence come from?? I wonder....
Rite now at this stage of my life, I'm facing yet another test from God.. Am I gonna lose my beloved mother soon?? She keeps on talking about her death and telling me wat to do upon her death..how depressing can tat be???
When I think back about it, even though I haven't been on good terms with my mum since young, always squabbling with her, she is my very best of friend.. She always supports me when I venture into something new..always telling me not to give up halfway.. always on my side when I am unhappy wif someone...Always there to hear me complain about this and that ... always telling me where I went wrong if it was my fault...
No matter how she grumbled, she would always show me her concern in not so obvious ways...
I dunno how I will go on if I lose her...
Mak,
Mebbe I never really told you that I love you...
Mebbe I have never been the good daughter that you always wanted me to be..
Mebbe I am not able to give you the good life that you deserve after bringing up me till I'm married and am a mother myself...
Mebbe I haven't always been there for you..
Mebbe I wasn't there for in your times of needs..
But the one true thing that I do know I have is ...
My tremendous love and appreciation that I have for you..
The admiration and respect that you worked so hard and never indulged in anything for yourself...
The courage you showed when Abah went away and I deserted you in your times of needs..
The loneliness you feel now...
Thank you so much Mak..
for all that you have done for me and the family...
For all that I have and will do for you..I pale in comparision..
Wistful for Love
12:48 PM
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